What Should I Call Our Relation..?

What should I call our relation? - a letter by Anuradha Gupta


"Io amore lui"- Italian text

On the topmost bridge of the world, late-night hand in hand & my heads on your shoulders... listening music, short clothes, open hairs, completely drunk & recollecting all stupid memories we've gone through... Some gave peace & some pain, some made us laugh silently & some made us cry loudly...

It was such an amazing atmosphere I could ever feel to relax my mind & forget all the hectic formalities. No fear of losing someone & no desire to get someone. No worries of tomorrow & no sufferings of the past. I was resting in peace on an immortal soul's arms blessed with eternal comfort & protection zone. His calm touch on my naked legs & placid kisses on my neck... Slowly moving hands inside my loose white shirt and my shy face was just waiting for moon setoff & nights to turn complete dark, the sky without stars & our love without fear of anyone.

Allowing each other to cross all the limits & taste our mixture of saliva & blood from mouth, that conversation from eyes & awkward feeling on topics which are the reasons we can't get approvals to be forever. Slowly his body with unbuttoned shirts was over me & pressing himself on me to give a tight hug & release all my hidden emotions & secrets which I never shared with him too for his & his loved ones' happiness... The whispering words in my ears from air to confess all my faults & mistakes done by me unknowingly & unwillingly which I never said him because of the fear to lose what I already have in less amount- he's understanding nature towards a fool like me. 

On the other hand, when our bodies met with each other, the connection of heart & the passing current of our heartbeats produced another power for thunders to fall upon us & gave the energy to fight with the world to save our unfinished dreams. 

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I wanted to ask him one question- What do you think; Do I really love you ...!? 

(I answered to myself- Finally I've agreed that love happens only once & I realized that I never loved my ex-boyfriend because when I understood what's the love we were already departed from each other & in spite of being broken I failed to stop myself in entering in love even if it will be my first attempt now & I've to go through much unbearable stress... actually the thing is, the real meaning & feeling of love I understood after my breakup with ex & before engaging up with my crush! How couldn't I love that person who made me realize what's love... also, how can I expect him to love me when I know he already loved someone else & I'm too late. As I've noted that love can't be done again in spite of being betrayed by whom I loved because now even if he'll cheat me, I won't stop him nor complain or move to another guy then how can I expect him to love again... So I'm ready with the conclusion that he is right in his place & he must avoid me, that's the only punishment I could have for doing the crime of loving someone who's already in love with someone else...)

I won't forgive myself for this mistake because mistakes are done by mistake queens & it's to learn & teach others to not to repeat that same mistake again, BUT maybe I'm the first one to tell the freshers- DO MAKE MISTAKE, DO LOVE & EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY OF IT. DO GO THROUGH EVERY PHASE OF LIFE & LOVE TO YOUR ENEMIES TOO...! BUT MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE READY FOR ALL THAT FIRST. Who knows that in which I failed, you may pass with your excellent abilities to handle everything fairly & who knows what your destiny has decided for you. So just chill on & do what you want if it's not hurting someone else, no matter you will be hurt alot because that's the deal with love & life... 

People say- 

Chaar din ki zindagi hai maze karo, 

and Zindagi says- 

Abhi abhi toh aaye ho janab, zara sabar karo...!

"aree yaar chaar din ki zindagi mein zindagi bhar ka sabar karwaoge, toh hume itni jaldi kyu bulaya jeene k liye ...!? thoda sa sabar tum bhi kr liye hote... jab sabar karte karte zindagi beet jayegi toh tum hi rakhna mere Khwahishon ko saja kr apne aangan mein, kyuki shayad tabtk bohot der ho chuki hogi mere dost mujhe mere armaano ko pura hote huve dekhne k liye !"

Waiting is necessary to understand its value, but when it's over waited; it's too late to accept for what we waited so long & got the vibe of not deserving it... Like now there's no use of him to search me down in the river when I've already fallen & sunk. He slept in my arms when I was singing a lullaby for him. I jumped from the bridge for him to stay happy & far from the most negative devil because he wasn't aware that it's me only the same person who is been hated by all. He didn't know that I don't belong to this world nor these humans. I was born as a human to understand what's life & its criteria, as soon as I understand that I don't fit in this criteria & I'm not eligible for love, it's better to go somewhere where I belong & needs to be-at the place where no one resides up in the sky leaving my most lovable person in sleep promising to be always standing for him in every situation & not letting any bad or negativity to have an eye upon him. I won't leave my duty even after death because death can separate my soul from my body but not to my love from his soul & body because he's the one I ever needed & will need forever...

(A story of a girl & boy who were not having any words to define their relationship. She left the world with her incomplete wishes without thinking that what will happen after the boy wakes up... MAY HER SOUL REST IN PEACE...) 

- Anuradha Gupta

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